Flashing lights. Halos. Eyes blinded by imaginary floating amoeba. A vise wrapped round my head, squeezing it like I would a wet rag. The revulsion of food. The curse of light.
And a drowsy kitten on my stomach making life bearable.
Thursday, June 10, 2010
Tuesday, May 18, 2010
Reflection for the Day
The Lutheran minister down the street from us sends out a lovely newsletter. Today's held two selections of scripture that really rang for me today.
The Holy Spirit, whom the Father will send in my name, will teach you all things and will remind you of everything I have said to you. Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.
--John 14:26-27
Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.
--Philippians 4:4-7
The messages of peace beyond circumstances, a deep abiding permeating peace resonated with a need in my thirsty soul.
The Holy Spirit, whom the Father will send in my name, will teach you all things and will remind you of everything I have said to you. Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.
--John 14:26-27
Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.
--Philippians 4:4-7
The messages of peace beyond circumstances, a deep abiding permeating peace resonated with a need in my thirsty soul.
Thursday, May 13, 2010
Felted Animalia
A couple months ago, my daughter and I took a ferry ride to Bainbridge Island. It was a Spring Break mini-vacations, a daytrip to our favorite fabric store (Esther's) and one of our favorite yarn shops (Churchmouse Yarns). The Blackbird Bakery lies between the two for an excellent, quick lunch and gloriously, tasty baked goods.
We began at the cafe and moved along to the yarn shop, ogling the yarns as we had the pastries. Fingering one or two as we couldn't the tarts, pies, and brioche.
Little Bear saw some knitted critters and asked if we could make one. I said, "yes." So, we found the table of patterns and decided upon a rabbit and a llama (both by Fiber Trends) and a made-up-creature. The first two were for wool felted animals. The third pattern was for non-wool yarns. On the way out of the store, we saw saw a felted sheep in the window. It was really cute. Back into the store we went to get the sheep.
(The report on the fabric store will come later.)
The bunny was the first of the menagerie. The Fiber Trends pattern was clear and easy to understand and really fun to knit. It required more concentration than most of my previous endeavors, but wasn't so fussy as to be difficult. Thanks to the internet and YouTube I was able to learn any knit stitch I wasn't familiar with or had forgotten.
I used an inexpensive wool fisherman's yarn in natural and chose not to use a contrasting yarn for inner ears and bottoms of feet.
After knitting and stitching the parts together, I felted it in the washing machine with hot water and Tocca soap. I used a lingerie bag to prevent too much wool collecting in the washer. The instructions said it was necessary to stop the process before the spin cycle to avoid ugly creases and to restart the agitation if necessary to felt the piece more.
The washing process went faster than I thought and the spin cycle started. But I stopped it quickly, and no damage done. Lesson learned. Set the cycle on the longest time allowed, set a timer for a few minutes (I set one for 4 minutes, but time may vary depending on the type of wool yarn used), and stop the machine when the timer goes off. If it's not felted enough, put it back in, turn the washer cycle back to the longest time setting to avoid the spin cycle, and reset your timer. Keep checking till the piece is felted the amount you want.
Rinse in cool water till all soap is gone. The Tocca seems to rinse out quickly. There are also wool soaps recommended in the instructions that also rinse well and quickly.
I took out the cotton stitches laced into the stuffing opening and stuffed it with small rags and shaped the rabbit. Taking out the cotton stitches was a little tricky, and I did have to tug at the opening some to separate the wool.
It took several days to dry completely.
After removing the rags, I stuffed the rabbit with fiber fill and stitched the opening with the same wool used to knit the bunny; then used a blunt needle to rough up the stitches to make it hardly noticeable.
A little embroidery floss for eyes, nose, and mouth and Wha-la! Instant felted buddy.
We began at the cafe and moved along to the yarn shop, ogling the yarns as we had the pastries. Fingering one or two as we couldn't the tarts, pies, and brioche.
Little Bear saw some knitted critters and asked if we could make one. I said, "yes." So, we found the table of patterns and decided upon a rabbit and a llama (both by Fiber Trends) and a made-up-creature. The first two were for wool felted animals. The third pattern was for non-wool yarns. On the way out of the store, we saw saw a felted sheep in the window. It was really cute. Back into the store we went to get the sheep.
(The report on the fabric store will come later.)
The bunny was the first of the menagerie. The Fiber Trends pattern was clear and easy to understand and really fun to knit. It required more concentration than most of my previous endeavors, but wasn't so fussy as to be difficult. Thanks to the internet and YouTube I was able to learn any knit stitch I wasn't familiar with or had forgotten.
I used an inexpensive wool fisherman's yarn in natural and chose not to use a contrasting yarn for inner ears and bottoms of feet.
After knitting and stitching the parts together, I felted it in the washing machine with hot water and Tocca soap. I used a lingerie bag to prevent too much wool collecting in the washer. The instructions said it was necessary to stop the process before the spin cycle to avoid ugly creases and to restart the agitation if necessary to felt the piece more.
The washing process went faster than I thought and the spin cycle started. But I stopped it quickly, and no damage done. Lesson learned. Set the cycle on the longest time allowed, set a timer for a few minutes (I set one for 4 minutes, but time may vary depending on the type of wool yarn used), and stop the machine when the timer goes off. If it's not felted enough, put it back in, turn the washer cycle back to the longest time setting to avoid the spin cycle, and reset your timer. Keep checking till the piece is felted the amount you want.
Rinse in cool water till all soap is gone. The Tocca seems to rinse out quickly. There are also wool soaps recommended in the instructions that also rinse well and quickly.
I took out the cotton stitches laced into the stuffing opening and stuffed it with small rags and shaped the rabbit. Taking out the cotton stitches was a little tricky, and I did have to tug at the opening some to separate the wool.
It took several days to dry completely.
After removing the rags, I stuffed the rabbit with fiber fill and stitched the opening with the same wool used to knit the bunny; then used a blunt needle to rough up the stitches to make it hardly noticeable.
A little embroidery floss for eyes, nose, and mouth and Wha-la! Instant felted buddy.
Thursday, April 8, 2010
No nose
Having come down with a cold sometime on Sunday late night/ Monday morning, I have rubbed my nose to the cartilage. I can no longer tell whether my eyes water because of the cold itself or from the needle-sharp pain searing my nose whenever I wipe it.
Cats and Bunnies
The cat has set out on a sailing adventure on Lake Washington. She has cat food wrapped in one of my nicer silk scarves (the wretch). She drags behind her a cat-sized skiff made of scrap wood, with a limb mast and pillow case sail. The skiff also serves as a conveyer of the silk-wrapped food. She seems to have thought this through.
With a mournful, scornful look over her shoulder, she sets off down the hill, occasionally stopping to adjust the boat. She does not plan to return until we have changed our ways and ejected the bunny from the kitchen, better yet, from the house.
For almost a week, we have hosted the bunny in the kitchen, giving him a reprieve from the cage in the study. He likes the kitchen. He likes the attention. And he is very well-behaved and civil. The cat detests him.
She seems to have felt the last straw upon her back around 4:00 o'clock this morning when she confronted the bunny at the gate to the kitchen and received reproof from The Papa and later from me. Over tea and scones, she tried, once again, to explain to me why the bunny's existence was a sort of insult to her catness and that since she was clearly the superior animal, worthy, for example, to roam the entire house, the bunny must go. It wasn't very moving. The cat did not take the attempted talks of peace well. She spilled a spot of tea and left crumbs around the plate when she walked off in silence.
After a good sulk, she retreated to the basement. Shortly thereafter a bit of hammering, sawing, and the distinct smell of glue wafted up from the workroom. I let her have her space and was only slightly surprised by the apparatus lugged up an hour later. Upon the cat's saying she was running away, I offered to help her pack. This did not sit well. It probably explains why my silk scarf is on the way to Lake Washington bearing cat food.
She'll be back. The little prima donna.
With a mournful, scornful look over her shoulder, she sets off down the hill, occasionally stopping to adjust the boat. She does not plan to return until we have changed our ways and ejected the bunny from the kitchen, better yet, from the house.
For almost a week, we have hosted the bunny in the kitchen, giving him a reprieve from the cage in the study. He likes the kitchen. He likes the attention. And he is very well-behaved and civil. The cat detests him.
She seems to have felt the last straw upon her back around 4:00 o'clock this morning when she confronted the bunny at the gate to the kitchen and received reproof from The Papa and later from me. Over tea and scones, she tried, once again, to explain to me why the bunny's existence was a sort of insult to her catness and that since she was clearly the superior animal, worthy, for example, to roam the entire house, the bunny must go. It wasn't very moving. The cat did not take the attempted talks of peace well. She spilled a spot of tea and left crumbs around the plate when she walked off in silence.
After a good sulk, she retreated to the basement. Shortly thereafter a bit of hammering, sawing, and the distinct smell of glue wafted up from the workroom. I let her have her space and was only slightly surprised by the apparatus lugged up an hour later. Upon the cat's saying she was running away, I offered to help her pack. This did not sit well. It probably explains why my silk scarf is on the way to Lake Washington bearing cat food.
She'll be back. The little prima donna.
Friday, March 26, 2010
Where to Begin
Gratitude.
Yesterday my cousin asked a group of her friends on Facebook if they experienced common courtesy anymore and to expound upon that experience. There were a couple of negative responses that, to me, didn't really respond to the question she had asked. The responses reminded me of what "grown-ups" sounded like to me when I was a child: rather general, without thoughtful contemplation, and defaulting to the negative.
We can do better.
Common courtesy in a dictionary sense, possibly even a social sense, does imply (necessitate?) an agreement on what behavior is courteous and that the people involved in the encounter comply with this behavior. But this is too limited and technical for me.
I live in a very diverse community: racially, ethnically, linguistically, economically, religiously, and with regard to age, national origin, and - no doubt- world view. It is a beautiful microcosm. Sometimes it is exasperating; sometimes beautiful and uplifting. Living here has alerted me to how many assumptions I have built-in about what is "common courtesy" and that these tenants are not shared by all, and perhaps more importantly, that just because others do not share all of the same measures of courtesy, they do have measures of courtesy.
When curiosity and understanding step into play, we might realize that there's more common courtesy in the world than we see at first glance. We might also realize that sometimes someone is dissing us and we didn't realize it before. :}
The biggest factor that I felt had been overlooked by some of the reactions to my cousin's question was this: a mind-set of gratitude, kindness, compassion, generosity, and faith in human beings. There seemed to be too much focus on the legalistic application of the term "common courtesy".
Every single day I experience common courtesies. If I were more in a mindset of openness and gratitude instead of sometimes being in too big a hurry or distracted, I would probably experience even more moments of courtesy because I would notice them.
Finally, I think that sometimes we confuse common courtesy with surface politeness, when what is really important is a genuine goodness of heart, graciousness, peace, and demonstrating a genuine love of our neighbors.
Yesterday my cousin asked a group of her friends on Facebook if they experienced common courtesy anymore and to expound upon that experience. There were a couple of negative responses that, to me, didn't really respond to the question she had asked. The responses reminded me of what "grown-ups" sounded like to me when I was a child: rather general, without thoughtful contemplation, and defaulting to the negative.
We can do better.
Common courtesy in a dictionary sense, possibly even a social sense, does imply (necessitate?) an agreement on what behavior is courteous and that the people involved in the encounter comply with this behavior. But this is too limited and technical for me.
I live in a very diverse community: racially, ethnically, linguistically, economically, religiously, and with regard to age, national origin, and - no doubt- world view. It is a beautiful microcosm. Sometimes it is exasperating; sometimes beautiful and uplifting. Living here has alerted me to how many assumptions I have built-in about what is "common courtesy" and that these tenants are not shared by all, and perhaps more importantly, that just because others do not share all of the same measures of courtesy, they do have measures of courtesy.
When curiosity and understanding step into play, we might realize that there's more common courtesy in the world than we see at first glance. We might also realize that sometimes someone is dissing us and we didn't realize it before. :}
The biggest factor that I felt had been overlooked by some of the reactions to my cousin's question was this: a mind-set of gratitude, kindness, compassion, generosity, and faith in human beings. There seemed to be too much focus on the legalistic application of the term "common courtesy".
Every single day I experience common courtesies. If I were more in a mindset of openness and gratitude instead of sometimes being in too big a hurry or distracted, I would probably experience even more moments of courtesy because I would notice them.
Finally, I think that sometimes we confuse common courtesy with surface politeness, when what is really important is a genuine goodness of heart, graciousness, peace, and demonstrating a genuine love of our neighbors.
Monday, April 27, 2009
Violence and Non-violence
Today has offered a challenge. How to cope with viciousness, racism, misogyny, and violence inflicted with hate and persistence in a public venue with witnesses who stood silent, stony, and without acknowledgment of my existence, the man's, or his threats.
It rubbed an old nerve raw. It resurrected feelings of victimization. I shrugged it off as nonsense. And I questioned my powers of perception.
The facts: I walked into Safeway feeling quite upbeat after a good start of the day and looking forward to a good workout and some concentrated work later. Feeling on top of things, I decided to treat my self to a coffee at the espresso stand inside the store (a rarity). No one stood in line. So, I stood in front of the counter waiting patiently for the barista to finish the drink she was making for the previous customer. There was a bagel bag on the counter. I thought nothing of this.
At about the same time, three men walked up: two middle age men, one African-American, and one who could have been Native American, Latino, mixed race, or something else completely. These two stood a distance away, waiting their turn. The third man was another story. He was a young Asian man, possibly mixed-race, 20's, several inches taller than I. He walked up to me from the magazine aisle, directly at me, took my cart and moved it away and walked to stand in front of me. He waved his magazine, picked up the bagel bag and set it down again. I smiled, acknowledging that he must have been there first, and I stepped back. He looked directly at me and said, in a low voice, "never trust a white woman".
It wasn't clear if he were a little mentally ill crazy or simply full of hate crazy. But he eyed me several times, snorted with disgust, and then began what I first thought were weird leg-tic movements. Then I realized he was in control of his limbs, and very purposefully aiming controlled karate kicks at my knees and lower legs and grinning at me with malice. He said some other things in his low, whispery voice, but I ignored them, as I did him. It crossed my mind to leave and come back, but decided he wasn't actually going to hurt me, and I wasn't going to be bullied into giving him the satisfaction of having his hate rewarded. He wanted me to fear him, and I didn't completely fear him. There was something telling me to call bullshit on him.
Maybe it was more the woman in me than the white person. Who knows? He had issues with both. What he stood for I despise. What he stood for is what's wreaking havoc at our end of town and in our world. I got off the self-righteous train pretty quickly standing there. It was good not to go to that place and stay. I just wanted a cup of coffee.
As he continued his barrage of hate, I looked at the men behind us to see if they were registering any of this, if they agreed with him, if they supported me, or what their reaction was. Both men stared straight in front of themselves "seeing nothing". The African American man frowned or scowled slightly, but not at the young man or at me or the circumstances. His look seemed to say, "I'm not your friend" for a moment and then it seemed to say nothing. The other man stood expressionless and unreadable.
The young man got his drink, made another comment to me, moved off and got his drink as I ordered; then passed by again to say something else. I had a friendly interchange with the barista, took my drink, watched as the two older men played the gentleman with each other when indicating whom should go next, and walked off to do my shopping.
I walked past the angry, hateful one on the way to the bread and a few minutes later passing the frozen foods. He tried to say something loud enough for me to hear both time without others hearing him nearby, but I was too far away. He watched me walk past. I watched him out of the corner of my eye and ignored him.
I avoided going back toward the front of the store until time to checkout. I looked around to see if he were there and wondered if he were if I would ask for an escort to my car. He wasn't, so I didn't have to answer that question.
I asked myself whether I thought he would have really hurt me. This is when the threat really struck. I realized he really would have if he would not have suffered any consequences. If I'd been alone somewhere when he'd come upon me, he would have hurt me, with rage and hate. Even though the two men witnessing his violent expressions and threats pretended not to see anything and made no move to intervene or to stop him, he knew someone in that store would have done something to him if he'd actually kicked me or yelled the things he was saying. He felt restrained. He did not feel free to do what he wanted and get away with it. He didn't want anyone to do to him what he was doing to me.
When do I do to others what I don't want anyone to do to me?
It rubbed an old nerve raw. It resurrected feelings of victimization. I shrugged it off as nonsense. And I questioned my powers of perception.
The facts: I walked into Safeway feeling quite upbeat after a good start of the day and looking forward to a good workout and some concentrated work later. Feeling on top of things, I decided to treat my self to a coffee at the espresso stand inside the store (a rarity). No one stood in line. So, I stood in front of the counter waiting patiently for the barista to finish the drink she was making for the previous customer. There was a bagel bag on the counter. I thought nothing of this.
At about the same time, three men walked up: two middle age men, one African-American, and one who could have been Native American, Latino, mixed race, or something else completely. These two stood a distance away, waiting their turn. The third man was another story. He was a young Asian man, possibly mixed-race, 20's, several inches taller than I. He walked up to me from the magazine aisle, directly at me, took my cart and moved it away and walked to stand in front of me. He waved his magazine, picked up the bagel bag and set it down again. I smiled, acknowledging that he must have been there first, and I stepped back. He looked directly at me and said, in a low voice, "never trust a white woman".
It wasn't clear if he were a little mentally ill crazy or simply full of hate crazy. But he eyed me several times, snorted with disgust, and then began what I first thought were weird leg-tic movements. Then I realized he was in control of his limbs, and very purposefully aiming controlled karate kicks at my knees and lower legs and grinning at me with malice. He said some other things in his low, whispery voice, but I ignored them, as I did him. It crossed my mind to leave and come back, but decided he wasn't actually going to hurt me, and I wasn't going to be bullied into giving him the satisfaction of having his hate rewarded. He wanted me to fear him, and I didn't completely fear him. There was something telling me to call bullshit on him.
Maybe it was more the woman in me than the white person. Who knows? He had issues with both. What he stood for I despise. What he stood for is what's wreaking havoc at our end of town and in our world. I got off the self-righteous train pretty quickly standing there. It was good not to go to that place and stay. I just wanted a cup of coffee.
As he continued his barrage of hate, I looked at the men behind us to see if they were registering any of this, if they agreed with him, if they supported me, or what their reaction was. Both men stared straight in front of themselves "seeing nothing". The African American man frowned or scowled slightly, but not at the young man or at me or the circumstances. His look seemed to say, "I'm not your friend" for a moment and then it seemed to say nothing. The other man stood expressionless and unreadable.
The young man got his drink, made another comment to me, moved off and got his drink as I ordered; then passed by again to say something else. I had a friendly interchange with the barista, took my drink, watched as the two older men played the gentleman with each other when indicating whom should go next, and walked off to do my shopping.
I walked past the angry, hateful one on the way to the bread and a few minutes later passing the frozen foods. He tried to say something loud enough for me to hear both time without others hearing him nearby, but I was too far away. He watched me walk past. I watched him out of the corner of my eye and ignored him.
I avoided going back toward the front of the store until time to checkout. I looked around to see if he were there and wondered if he were if I would ask for an escort to my car. He wasn't, so I didn't have to answer that question.
I asked myself whether I thought he would have really hurt me. This is when the threat really struck. I realized he really would have if he would not have suffered any consequences. If I'd been alone somewhere when he'd come upon me, he would have hurt me, with rage and hate. Even though the two men witnessing his violent expressions and threats pretended not to see anything and made no move to intervene or to stop him, he knew someone in that store would have done something to him if he'd actually kicked me or yelled the things he was saying. He felt restrained. He did not feel free to do what he wanted and get away with it. He didn't want anyone to do to him what he was doing to me.
When do I do to others what I don't want anyone to do to me?
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