Lenten Readings

Today's (Yesterday's -- Ash Wednesday's) readings: Joel 2:12-18; 2 Corinthians 5:20—6:2; Matthew 6:1-6, 16-18

What jumps out at me from the first reading are "return to me with your whole heart" and "For gracious and merciful is he, slow to anger, rich in kindness, and relenting in punishment."

What is a whole heart? The image I have is a literal interpretation of the colloquialism "heart in hand". But the heart in my image is broken, or in pieces, or hurting, or sick. I am having a hard time with the concept of a whole heart.

"Gracious and merciful..." The contrast of the God the prophet describes as gracious and merciful, slow to anger, and relenting in punishment with the actions called for by the people of gathering to plead for God's mercy and relenting confounds me. IS this God what is described at first or at second? Is this God relenting only when the people cast themselves down in fear, pleading for their lives? Has the anger been building for some time (as in, slow to anger but really boils when he gets there)? How much graciousness has this God shown these people already, is he at the end of his rope? I guess what I'm asking is, what are the terms of this relationship?

I'm not trying to be facetious. The prophet does confuse me. But more than that, I find myself asking myself how I think of God. What cultural portrayals of God did I grow up with and therefore use to paint God and all interactions with God? Is "my" God gracious and merciful, slow to anger, and relenting in punishment. Or is my God to be appeased in some appallingly degrading way in order to somehow gain an unlikely bit of mercy and relenting? Do I tell God everything like an approachable parent, or do I conceal in fear and then throw myself down in pleading, suspecting that punishment is sure unless an ego is appeased, because I know that I do not deserve the reprieve in any event? In other words, is this a healthy relationship or a bitter, biased, unhealthy one?

And what about my own graciousness, mercy, anger, and relenting?

Lenten Reflections -- this is what our church calls our activity during this time of year. I suppose it is an echo of looking through "a glass darkly".