Today has offered a challenge. How to cope with viciousness, racism, misogyny, and violence inflicted with hate and persistence in a public venue with witnesses who stood silent, stony, and without acknowledgment of my existence, the man's, or his threats.
It rubbed an old nerve raw. It resurrected feelings of victimization. I shrugged it off as nonsense. And I questioned my powers of perception.
The facts: I walked into Safeway feeling quite upbeat after a good start of the day and looking forward to a good workout and some concentrated work later. Feeling on top of things, I decided to treat my self to a coffee at the espresso stand inside the store (a rarity). No one stood in line. So, I stood in front of the counter waiting patiently for the barista to finish the drink she was making for the previous customer. There was a bagel bag on the counter. I thought nothing of this.
At about the same time, three men walked up: two middle age men, one African-American, and one who could have been Native American, Latino, mixed race, or something else completely. These two stood a distance away, waiting their turn. The third man was another story. He was a young Asian man, possibly mixed-race, 20's, several inches taller than I. He walked up to me from the magazine aisle, directly at me, took my cart and moved it away and walked to stand in front of me. He waved his magazine, picked up the bagel bag and set it down again. I smiled, acknowledging that he must have been there first, and I stepped back. He looked directly at me and said, in a low voice, "never trust a white woman".
It wasn't clear if he were a little mentally ill crazy or simply full of hate crazy. But he eyed me several times, snorted with disgust, and then began what I first thought were weird leg-tic movements. Then I realized he was in control of his limbs, and very purposefully aiming controlled karate kicks at my knees and lower legs and grinning at me with malice. He said some other things in his low, whispery voice, but I ignored them, as I did him. It crossed my mind to leave and come back, but decided he wasn't actually going to hurt me, and I wasn't going to be bullied into giving him the satisfaction of having his hate rewarded. He wanted me to fear him, and I didn't completely fear him. There was something telling me to call bullshit on him.
Maybe it was more the woman in me than the white person. Who knows? He had issues with both. What he stood for I despise. What he stood for is what's wreaking havoc at our end of town and in our world. I got off the self-righteous train pretty quickly standing there. It was good not to go to that place and stay. I just wanted a cup of coffee.
As he continued his barrage of hate, I looked at the men behind us to see if they were registering any of this, if they agreed with him, if they supported me, or what their reaction was. Both men stared straight in front of themselves "seeing nothing". The African American man frowned or scowled slightly, but not at the young man or at me or the circumstances. His look seemed to say, "I'm not your friend" for a moment and then it seemed to say nothing. The other man stood expressionless and unreadable.
The young man got his drink, made another comment to me, moved off and got his drink as I ordered; then passed by again to say something else. I had a friendly interchange with the barista, took my drink, watched as the two older men played the gentleman with each other when indicating whom should go next, and walked off to do my shopping.
I walked past the angry, hateful one on the way to the bread and a few minutes later passing the frozen foods. He tried to say something loud enough for me to hear both time without others hearing him nearby, but I was too far away. He watched me walk past. I watched him out of the corner of my eye and ignored him.
I avoided going back toward the front of the store until time to checkout. I looked around to see if he were there and wondered if he were if I would ask for an escort to my car. He wasn't, so I didn't have to answer that question.
I asked myself whether I thought he would have really hurt me. This is when the threat really struck. I realized he really would have if he would not have suffered any consequences. If I'd been alone somewhere when he'd come upon me, he would have hurt me, with rage and hate. Even though the two men witnessing his violent expressions and threats pretended not to see anything and made no move to intervene or to stop him, he knew someone in that store would have done something to him if he'd actually kicked me or yelled the things he was saying. He felt restrained. He did not feel free to do what he wanted and get away with it. He didn't want anyone to do to him what he was doing to me.
When do I do to others what I don't want anyone to do to me?
Monday, April 27, 2009
Tuesday, April 21, 2009
Life in the Depression
A friend recently posted a link to an NPR piece on the "No 'Poo" movement. The report focused on folks who were going without shampoo for ecological reasons: plastic bottles, chemicals that if ingested would be considered poisons, water purity. The people who follow the movement often site that our hair is like animal pelts and does not need shampoo to be clean. I've read some who say the use of shampoo aggravates and increases oil production, requiring the use of more shampoo and conditioner to boot, because shampoo dries out the hair shaft by removing the oil that would typically moisturize the shafts. Some report that if you stop shampooing, your hair will improve and the oil production decrease.
In a British test several women took the six week challenge: no shampoo for six weeks. Some reported an improvement in hair condition and reduction of oil production after a few weeks and like the test. Others reported greasy, ugly, smelly hair with no improvement after several weeks.
Some No 'Poo folks use nothing at all. Others use dissolved baking soda as a wash and apple cider vinegar as a rinse. And they do it less frequently than they used to shampoo.
One reporter found an allegedly Mexican tradition of rinsing the hair with water and using wet washcloths to redistribute the oil from the top of the head down the hair shaft by stroking these cloths 100 times down each section of hair.
One report stated that shampoo didn't exist until sometime in the 1930's and even then wasn't used daily until ad campaigns of the early 70's encouraged it. This comment together with my personal experience as a child: washing my hair once a week and using apple cider vinegar as a rinse, got me to thinking: how did people REALLY wash their hair in the 1930's? Did they do it as seldom as some of these reports state? Did people really not use soap or shampoo regularly?
The following is a response from someone who was a child during the Great Depression to the questions: what did you use to wash your hair/body as a child/teenager? how often?
As to hair:
As a child:
1) We used soap--the same kind and thing we used for bathing. Sometimes
Mother used water and vinegar to rinse my hair and sometimes she probably
used nothing but water. There was no running water so this means my hair
was washed in a small "wash" pan and rinsed by pouring water from a bucket.
2) I don't know how often it was washed but my guess is it depended on
weather and events. I.e. in winter, less often. In summer, maybe weekly.
If we were to attend church, visit family, have pictures made, etc. it
would have been washed for that I'm sure.
3)Between washings we just brushed or combed it!
As a teen:
1) Same as above except I did my own. If we had shampoo, I used that.
2) Weekly--every Saturday!
3) Same as above!
As to bathing:
As a child:
We used soap and water. I doubt we bathed even weekly. Most of the time we
bathed using the small "wash" pan which meant you did what we later referred
to as a "spit" bath (not everything got very clean). We sometimes bathed in
a zinc tub--much better bath! In summer it was in the backyard. In winter,
inside by the fireplace! I do remember in the winter my heels would get
grungy which meant I certainly wasn't doing much scrubbing on them!
As a teen:
We used soap and water. Bathing was similar to above except much more often
and much cleaner. When we moved to a house with running water, bathing was
in a bathtub. Hair was still washed only once a week and bathing was as
needed. I do know that by the time I graduated from high school bathing was
daily!
That ends the response to my questions about shampooing and washing during the Depression and 40's/50's. It only represents 2 people's experience, but it's interesting. It intrigues me to look at what we take for granted daily nowadays. How extravagant are our expectations? How much of that is mass-marketing produced reality? And how much of it is necessary or a good idea? Many things to ponder as Earth Day approaches.
And about a month ago, I cut back on shampoo. I was a daily washer. Now, every 2-3 days. My hair is pretty oily by day three usually, but the second day is doable.
In a British test several women took the six week challenge: no shampoo for six weeks. Some reported an improvement in hair condition and reduction of oil production after a few weeks and like the test. Others reported greasy, ugly, smelly hair with no improvement after several weeks.
Some No 'Poo folks use nothing at all. Others use dissolved baking soda as a wash and apple cider vinegar as a rinse. And they do it less frequently than they used to shampoo.
One reporter found an allegedly Mexican tradition of rinsing the hair with water and using wet washcloths to redistribute the oil from the top of the head down the hair shaft by stroking these cloths 100 times down each section of hair.
One report stated that shampoo didn't exist until sometime in the 1930's and even then wasn't used daily until ad campaigns of the early 70's encouraged it. This comment together with my personal experience as a child: washing my hair once a week and using apple cider vinegar as a rinse, got me to thinking: how did people REALLY wash their hair in the 1930's? Did they do it as seldom as some of these reports state? Did people really not use soap or shampoo regularly?
The following is a response from someone who was a child during the Great Depression to the questions: what did you use to wash your hair/body as a child/teenager? how often?
As to hair:
As a child:
1) We used soap--the same kind and thing we used for bathing. Sometimes
Mother used water and vinegar to rinse my hair and sometimes she probably
used nothing but water. There was no running water so this means my hair
was washed in a small "wash" pan and rinsed by pouring water from a bucket.
2) I don't know how often it was washed but my guess is it depended on
weather and events. I.e. in winter, less often. In summer, maybe weekly.
If we were to attend church, visit family, have pictures made, etc. it
would have been washed for that I'm sure.
3)Between washings we just brushed or combed it!
As a teen:
1) Same as above except I did my own. If we had shampoo, I used that.
2) Weekly--every Saturday!
3) Same as above!
As to bathing:
As a child:
We used soap and water. I doubt we bathed even weekly. Most of the time we
bathed using the small "wash" pan which meant you did what we later referred
to as a "spit" bath (not everything got very clean). We sometimes bathed in
a zinc tub--much better bath! In summer it was in the backyard. In winter,
inside by the fireplace! I do remember in the winter my heels would get
grungy which meant I certainly wasn't doing much scrubbing on them!
As a teen:
We used soap and water. Bathing was similar to above except much more often
and much cleaner. When we moved to a house with running water, bathing was
in a bathtub. Hair was still washed only once a week and bathing was as
needed. I do know that by the time I graduated from high school bathing was
daily!
That ends the response to my questions about shampooing and washing during the Depression and 40's/50's. It only represents 2 people's experience, but it's interesting. It intrigues me to look at what we take for granted daily nowadays. How extravagant are our expectations? How much of that is mass-marketing produced reality? And how much of it is necessary or a good idea? Many things to ponder as Earth Day approaches.
And about a month ago, I cut back on shampoo. I was a daily washer. Now, every 2-3 days. My hair is pretty oily by day three usually, but the second day is doable.
Friday, April 17, 2009
Communion
gods and saints don't like me
cause I spit my shame into the wine
Thought that's where the guilty thoughts went
when the deeds won't stay behind
So I confess to anyone who doesn't listen anyway
Gonna break the record for obsession and toss the hand grenade
Don't taunt me into battle with my rough and bloody hands
The stains of my communion with the other side of Hell
I expect my life to lead me straight down the wide and curvy
Should I stumble back onto the narrow guide me where the earth don't tremble
I was there when they laid him in the tomb of his remembrance
a plot of earth so stained with blood it seeped like oil around us
and the guns tore up the sky leaving nothing but the darkness
and I found a tear inside me with a message sent from God.
cause I spit my shame into the wine
Thought that's where the guilty thoughts went
when the deeds won't stay behind
So I confess to anyone who doesn't listen anyway
Gonna break the record for obsession and toss the hand grenade
Don't taunt me into battle with my rough and bloody hands
The stains of my communion with the other side of Hell
I expect my life to lead me straight down the wide and curvy
Should I stumble back onto the narrow guide me where the earth don't tremble
I was there when they laid him in the tomb of his remembrance
a plot of earth so stained with blood it seeped like oil around us
and the guns tore up the sky leaving nothing but the darkness
and I found a tear inside me with a message sent from God.
Thursday, April 16, 2009
Ain't gonna stay
I'm outta here. I'm on my way. Ain't gonna look back. Gonna get away. Don't care if it rhymes. Don't care if it's brilliant. I can't stand my own skin. Don't want to be in it. Time to check out. Time to check out. Time. To.
Do we scream until we're speechless; then smile and walk away? Do we whisper vapor smiles that fade before our lips move? Would we know the difference? I. Can't. Hear. You.
Have the stakes been lowered till anybody can pitch a penny ante, don a crown and stake a claim? I've got two pair of nothing and couldn't find a care to raise or call. In my pocket is a piece of paper, folded, bent, crammed. A receipt with words in pencil on the back. How long will they last? Will you hold me to them? Will you take that as a marker? Or did you write your own notes on a napkin and toss it in the garbage.
I'm outta here. Ain't looking back. I need a world where gods fear to tread because the humans shake and rumble like seeds.
Do we scream until we're speechless; then smile and walk away? Do we whisper vapor smiles that fade before our lips move? Would we know the difference? I. Can't. Hear. You.
Have the stakes been lowered till anybody can pitch a penny ante, don a crown and stake a claim? I've got two pair of nothing and couldn't find a care to raise or call. In my pocket is a piece of paper, folded, bent, crammed. A receipt with words in pencil on the back. How long will they last? Will you hold me to them? Will you take that as a marker? Or did you write your own notes on a napkin and toss it in the garbage.
I'm outta here. Ain't looking back. I need a world where gods fear to tread because the humans shake and rumble like seeds.
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